Days Eleven and Twelve

It's been a busy two days, at least for everyone else in the family! We celebrated Christmas with Ryan's brother and his family as well as Sue and Ryan's grandparents last night. Boy did the kiddos enjoy opening new toys. Everything that Jack opened he either said, "on" or "open" immediately. I would say his favorite new toy was a drum that Grandma Sue got him. He knew exactly what to do with those drum sticks! I obeyed doctor's orders and stayed in bed for the most part. I did move to a chair in our loft for much of the evening, and tried my best to stay seated. It's interesting how much more I was tempted to do just because I wasn't sitting in bed. Luckily my family kept me on track and reminded me to sit down as often as I tried to get up.

On Tuesday, I did gather the courage to call the doctor and ask about Christmas Eve services. My doctor wasn't in, but the other doctor in the practice said, "God will throw you a bone, so Merry Christmas." I guess that means I can go?! I did promise to go directly there and back home but I am excited to be able to attend the first Christmas Eve services at Harvest Community Church. Ryan has put a lot of time and energy into the lighting for the service and I'm glad I can go and support him in his efforts.

I go back to my doctor a week from today. I've really managed to convince myself that she's going to release me from bed rest even though I have no reason to think that at all. It's a matter of hoping and praying for that outcome so much that I can't even imagine the alternative. I was reading on some message boards of other women who have been diagnosed with a subchorionic hematoma and several women said that once the hematoma disappeared things were pretty much normal for the rest of the pregnancy. I just hope when I go back next Thursday that it's disappeared. Some women mentioned that theirs did not dissipate until around 20 weeks. I sincerely hope my doctor will do another ultrasound before 20 weeks to see if it is gone. I am not sure if I can hang on for another 6 weeks if that is truly the case.

On a side note, I made a scarf for Ryan's cousin Becca's Christmas present. She's 8 years old and is doing ice skating lessons. I hope she likes it!

Day Ten

Yesterday was full of visitors and good conversations. It was a day that lifted my spirits. It started with our Pastor's wife, Melissa, stopping by in the morning with their two kids. They brought a yummy dinner for us to enjoy that night and it was fun just getting to visit with Melissa for a while. Their daughter, Noel, is only 6 weeks old and she was so cute all cuddled into Mommy's shoulder as she slept.

In the afternoon, my friend Lisette from church stopped by to drop off more goodies and a chalk board for Jack. She had mentioned she was wanting to get rid of it and I was so excited to get one for Jack. Now, we just need to find some chalk and an eraser and we'll be good to go! We just got our walls painted, so hopefully Jack will keep all his chalk artwork on the board (wishful thinking...I know). Lisette also recommended a cute "chick flick" to watch on Netflix. I feel like I've pretty much exhausted all the good movies on Netflix streaming, so if anyone else has good recommendations, let me know!

Later in the afternoon, I got a call from a friend of mine from graduate school who finished at ASU and got a job at a liberal arts college in VA. I hadn't talked to her in over a year and a half and it was such a great phone call. She let me know that her and her husband are expecting their first baby in May! I was overjoyed for them. She worked so hard in grad school and finished with a PhD in Graph Theory. I can't even begin to share just how smart she is! But one of the biggest struggles for women pursuing graduate degrees in math/science/engineering fields is having to put off family while you work towards a "tenure track" position after graduate school. I am so happy for her that she's been able to find a satisfying career as well as begin to start her family. I'll be praying for them as they prepare in the months to come!

I am really looking forward to tomorrow as our holiday festivities are going to kick into high gear! Kyle, Debbie and Maddie are going to come over for the day and I can't wait. My niece Maddie and Jack are only a month apart in age, so it is such a joy to get them together. I've really enjoyed getting to be a mom and an aunt all at once. I'm excited for them to be able to spend the day with us and for the all day company! Ryan's Dad and Step-Mom will come over in the afternoon so we can all celebrate Christmas together. Then in the evening we'll celebrate Christmas with Ryan's mom and grandparents. Such a fun-filled day. Hope none of the family mind that we'll spend most of the day in my room!

One final note, I'm trying to work up the courage to call my doctor and see if she'd let me go to Christmas Eve services on Friday. I'm scared to call, though. I am not supposed to go back and see her until Dec. 30th, which is when I'd assume she'd let me know how much longer I need to be on bed rest. I don't want to call her today only to find out bad news. I know it makes no sense, but that's my fear. Ryan keeps asking me when I'm going to call and I keep saying later. Eventually, I just have to do it...but I prefer thinking, "what I don't know can't hurt me."

Day Nine

This pregnancy I have been plagued with headaches! A few days ago I had a headache behind my right eye and then last night I started with a headache behind my left eye. I decided to go to bed rather than writing a blog post in the hopes that it would go away, but this morning I woke up with the headache still. I was so lucky when I was pregnant with Jack because I didn't have a single headache at all. I guess the old adage that every pregnancy is different is true.

Yesterday the big task was to try to cross stitch. I did not pick that up as easily as the knitting. I got frustrated pretty quickly and put the project down. Maybe I'll try again today.

I think yesterday was just a tough day all around. I had my first breakdown since I got out on bed rest. In a moment of weakness I decided to pick Jack up and lift him on the bed with me. Ryan saw me do it and really reminded me that I am not allowed to be doing things like that. In this particular situation, Jack had tripped and fell and he came running over to me for comfort. How can a Mom deny providing comfort to her child in a time like that? I was caught in a catch 22: If I pick up Jack, I put strain on myself that could harm the baby, if I don't pick up Jack, he's hurting and doesn't understand why Mommy won't love him up. The weight of the whole situation was overwhelming so after I picked him up, I just cried. Ryan reminded me that he is here to lift Jack up to me...so I really should have got Ryan's attention so he could lift Jack to me and then neither of my babies would have been hurt. It was a moment of pure weakness and just a desire to be the Mommy I want to be with Jack.

The night ended much better when our friends Jake, Rilie and their daughter Ivy brought dinner. Ivy is six days older than Jack and the two of them get to play together in the nursery at church on Sunday mornings. When we told Jack Ivy was coming over, he paced up and down the hallway saying, "Ivy, Ivy, Ivy, Ivy!" It was so sweet. It was so nice to have the company and hear the kiddos playing in the loft. Although, we really have to crack down on Jack's throwing! He accidentally hit Ivy with one of his toys, and I felt horrible. It's hard because he says "NO" as he's doing it...so he knows that we tell him not to throw, but he does it anyway. Before I was put on bed rest, I was starting to initiate a short time-out when he wasn't listening. Unfortunately, there hasn't been consistency with that because our life is out of routine right now, but I'm going to have to get on that as soon as I am allowed to move around again. Thank you Jake and Rilie for the delicious dinner and the wonderful company. It made my night!

Day Eight

First, I have to start off by thanking my sister, Tina, for coming over bright and early this morning to help with Jack while Ryan went to a meeting at church. I was silly and forgot to arrange something ahead of time. Then last night at 10:45 pm, I thought who would still be up to answer their phone...TINA! So, thanks Tina for being willing to crawl out of bed at 6:33 am to come over and help with Jack. You are awesome!

Today was all about learning new things! Ryan's grandparents and his cousin Holly came by today for lunch. Holly teaches Culinary Arts at two schools in Phoenix, and she worked at JoAnn's for quite some time. Needless to say Holly is crafty. When she came for lunch she gave me a whole plastic tub full of crafts I can do while I'm sitting. There were some knitting looms and yarn as well as some cross stitch patterns. I've never knitted before but had always wanted to learn. It seemed like it would take a lot of coordination and time. Even if we'd just met, it wouldn't be difficult to deduce that I had ZERO time to learn anything new. When Holly dropped off this tub of new crafts, I was anxious to dive right in. This afternoon Ryan took Jack and Bruce for an extended walk and park play. While they were gone I was able to knit a small baby hat for my friend Melissa's baby boy due in February. I couldn't believe how quickly I was able to figure it out...and I only had to undo the beginning once! I want to make another one for our baby but I can't decide what yarn to use. At my ultrasound on Monday, the doctor said she was 80% certain she knew the sex of the baby, but I was told not to go out and buy anything yet. Do I knit a hat for our baby in a neutral color, or do I assume the doctor is right and make a hat specifically for our little......

**For those of you that know that doctor's prediction, please do not post it here. We'll wait to officially announce when we are more than 80% sure :D **

Can't wait to see baby Larsen wearing this!

Day Seven

Today was the first day that I didn't have much work to get accomplished. It's a good thing too because I woke up with a headache this morning. So I guess now starts the real test. Tonight is also the first holiday get together that I am missing. Our friends Mike and Melissa have had a holiday party every year since our freshman year in college. There is always a pretty funny white elephant exchange and this year I was so excited about our gift (I can't wait to hear who left the party with it!)

As I sit here intermittently checking for texts of pictures or videos from Ryan, I can't help but think about the opportunities that this bed rest is providing me the opportunity to do. For instance, I have had several nights of great sleep in a row. The flip side of that is Ryan's sleep has not been so good lately. I started reading Steven King's Dark Tower series the summer of my first year of graduate school. I can finally finish the 7th and last book. We don't officially have another bedroom in our house, so our loft is going to be transformed into a new nursery area for the baby. I have to think about way's to make it seem "walled in" when we want it to be a room and yet still open as the play area during the day. And then of course, the obvious, I've been afforded a little more time to bond with this baby. Now don't get me wrong, from the moment we knew we were expecting I was overjoyed and completely in love with this baby. But, the second pregnancy is not like the first. When you have a toddler to take care of, your every thought is not consumed with all things baby. It's like after Jack is in bed and everything else that needs to get done is done, those last few minutes before heading to sleep were the minutes devoted to imagining and dreaming about the baby. I am dreaming a lot about what our family will be like in the coming months. And getting excited to watch Jack be a big brother! In essence I have reclaimed my time from things that were consuming me and this is forcing me reevaluate to create margin in my life. I am learning to be thankful for all this extra time.

Day Six

Wow! What a day it's been. If anyone ever wondered how long it takes to grade finals for four classes, enter grades and respond to "please round my grade" e-mails, the answer is 12 hours! That's why this post is so late. Usually you grade finals while you give finals, so its never felt like that large of a task before. I don't know what was a larger pain in my butt, sitting all day or grading the finals! I'm sorry I'm complaining, but I sure am glad that is done.

Now I can move on the "leisure" portion of the bed rest time. I have amassed quite a few magazines as well as one gigantic book to read. That's how I'll be spending the next 14 days. In between reading, I'll be wrapping Christmas presents. It's really kinda challenging to negotiate the cuts of wrapping paper when you are sitting on a bed. But, the gifts will certainly look as nice as I can make them.

I did a little wrapping yesterday afternoon and I couldn't help but think that we already have the best gift this Christmas. We know that this little baby is doing well and for that I can only thank the giver of all good things! Goodnight everyone!

Santa's Lap

Ho, Ho, Ho... Not as much!